Gettin' What You Give

As we sat with Ben last night trying to help him with his homework, it became quickly apparent we waited TOO LATE in the evening to do it. Poor kid was exhausted and therefore - you guessed it - quick to lose his patience in the learning process. Just couldn't contain any info. And normally this is my photographic memory kid.

However, as he starts 4th grade this year, he's beginning to get a clear picture that things aren't always going to be like they have in the past when it comes to learning. It's going to require true effort. Physically showing up at school is no longer all it takes. He needs to mentally check-in also. Really show up.

And homework is no longer a 5 minute speed drill. Instead, learning 25 definitions for Social Studies (for instance) is going to take a little more time. As is the time he has to spend reading each night, learning spelling and vocabulary words, scientific method, etc... . Up to one hour a night can be dedicated to homework at times. Not really so bad. But to an 9 year old...it totally stinks. Especially when you actually have to spend the TIME to LEARN. Well...that's just boring.

We tried explaining to him about how - as is with all things in life: you get what you give. He was, of course, so tired - it went in one ear and out the other. I can't blame him. It's a boring lecture to hear, but one that we continue to learn even into adulthood.

It's so easy to give this lecture, isn't it? Obviously, we know as adults we have to give the effort to get the "reward". If we only give a percentage, we will only receive a percentage. Sometimes we just show up and count that as our effort knowing full well, that's not how it's to be done OR how we really want to do it. Yes, even as adults, we sometimes fail miserably at the effort even though we desperately seek the full reward.

I've spent a lot of my adult life taking things for granted. Not really showing up. Obviously not on purpose, but boy did I do it and I'm sure, still do from time-to-time. But, once your eyes open and you realize how, in the blink of an eye it can all go away, is when you start realizing...damn...I may have to actually TRY here.

And really, what's so bad about doing that AND why wasn't I doing it in the first place? Umm..absolutely nothing AND I have no idea. It's just when you are used to being lazy and unaware...the lackadaisical attitude takes over what is otherwise a completely functional and good-intentioned person. Not trying to say we don't have control over this attitude. We do. When we are aware of it, that is. Lesson here: Be Aware.

My poor, sweet son is paying the price today for his lackadaisical attitude since he left his homework at school and now doesn't get to go play with one of his best friends outside. Granted this was probably more of an oversight on his account, though I'm hoping this decreases the chances of it happening again. Also, I might add it's been raining here for about a week and is supposed to rain again tomorrow so the outside time would be very much enjoyed by him! As hard as it is seeing him upset with this consequence when he really is a good kid, it would break my heart even more if we didn't set rules in place and stick to them, then have him think, "I can give little effort and still get the reward. Life's great." And let's face it, at this time in his life, the honor roll isn't his chief concern. Well...Until it gets posted at the end of each six weeks by the cafeteria and he checks to make sure his name is on it, that is! It's our job to teach the lessons to our kids and it doesn't hurt to listen to our own lectures sometimes either.

I'm hoping these little "life lessons" we try and teach him will payoff in his adulthood. I know I wish I could have a do-over on a lot of things in my adulthood, but c'est la vie that is not to be.

Here comes the good news that I shared with Ben. We can LEARN from these regrets and move forward. Don't spend too much time on the "regret" part. Spend more time on the "what I'm gonna do from here on out" part. And most importantly...DO IT.

Something else Ben said applies here. Earlier this morning before school he was talking about the ocean and basically all the "dangerous" stuff about it. I was quick to point out all the fun you can also have in the ocean. "You can't live life being afraid, Ben. You are more likely to get hurt at school than if you were in the ocean." He's very cautious and to a degree, that's good. However, I don't want him to hesitate going for things he really wants just because it may be scary or difficult.

As long as you aren't hurting anyone else, sometimes you need put on your 'big girl panties' (big boy boxers for the men!) and take the advice of Coach Lombardi: "The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory. That's the essence of it." Don't be afraid to fall. You can always get up. Do what is right and you will lead a quality life. Simple...no? Simple to say anyway.

If you only give it a percentage of what you truly can, don't expect to get the full 100% in return. It just doesn't work that way. Nor should it. Jump in, go for it, leave no stone unturned in your quest for whatever it is you are dreaming of doing. Just because you physically show up, doesn't mean you're there. Physically there doesn't equal mentally there. Trust me. I know. And right now, sweet Ben's finding out the hard way. This fairly simplistic way of looking at it applies to most things in life, so hopefully he will start picking it up now. He's bright. I'm sure he will show up in both ways. He's going to be a great man one day. He's a great little man today.

"Learning lessons stinks!" he said about 15 minutes ago. You said a mouthful there buddy. Couldn't agree with you more. However, I'm so glad we get the chance for do-overs and lesson-learned occasions in life. I for one don't know where I'd be without them.

Here's to you always showing up, Ben. I have no doubt you always will.