It inconspicuously happened somewhere between home and the school.
There was no warning. No red flags. Nothing telling me a monumental shift in my world was just about to occur.
I pulled into the parking lot of Ben's new school for his 7th grade orientation, looking around for a parking space. As luck would have it, one immediately opened up right out front.
I put the car in park and got the first hint.
Only a handful of parents were walking into the school and I paused before I turned off the car.
"You know what, Ben? It doesn't look like many parents are going in so that tells me my checkbook probably isn't going to be needed," I told him.
"Yeah. I don't know exactly what we're going to be doing. Probably a tour or something," he answered.
I slowly turn off the car and start to open the door, but something held me back. I didn't want to be 'that mom' who was basically spitting on my hand and smoothing his hair down in front of everyone saying, "There now..don't you look spiffy you little whipper-snapper?!" Then follow it up by tucking his shirt in for him.
No...instead, I took the route of less humiliation for my son.
"Ben, you have your phone so if I actually do need to come in to write a check for something or whatever, you can call me. Or you can walk in and I'll follow behind and ask someone inside."
He opens the door, shuts it behind him and as he's walking off says, "It's okay mom. I got it. Or you can walk behind me if you want but I'm going in."
Gone. Trail of dust following him.
Okay. Guess that answers that question. And in all honesty, we didn't receive the notice about "Dog Pound" as they call it so I really had NO idea what the agenda was. It was only by pure luck we found out the night before thanks to one of Ben's friends talking to him about it. I feel the need to defend myself right about now because I really did want him to go by himself, I just didn't know if I needed to write a check, sign something, whatever!
Then tonight the remainder of the shift took place.
We are walking in Target and the kid who always used to not just walk right beside me, but would put his arm around me or hug me turned on me like a wild pig who just got his foot trapped in a metal clamp.
Okay maybe not that drastic, but it felt like it at the time.
We were walking toward the check-out stands and I reached over to just put my arm around him...not forever, but it's habit, people!...and he literally squirmed out of it and said, "Ohhh...that's okay mom."
I'm sorry, what?
Then because he is a kind-hearted guy, spent the next 5 minutes apologizing if he hurt my feelings.
I assured him he didn't. That it was bound to happen and he's growing up. But asked if next time could he just not pull away so quickly as I think I got a fabric burn on the tips of my fingers.
"It doesn't mean I love you any less, mom. I promise. You know that, right? And it doesn't mean I'm not going to hug you anymore. Here...see?" And he proved his words by he putting his arm around me for an entire 2 seconds.
Are you kidding me right now?
"That's fine, Ben. To be honest, I don't want you to hug me anyway because as you get older you've started to smell like a day old taco!" And he just laughed.
I'm sorry, but it's true. When boys get older and make the unfortunate mistake of forgetting that morning deodorant, they smell like Mexican food. But not in a good way.
"Here mom. I'll hug you," Shelby chimed in.
"Oh please, Shelby. It's not the same," he said.
And knowing she will start the same retraction from public displays of affection with her ole' mom soon enough, I told her, "I'll take whatever I can get so bring it on, Belle!"
Always remember and never forget: They grow up way, way, way to fast. Take in every second of every memory...big and small...while you can.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
NOTHING TO DO BUT LAUGH
Just a little timeline of my Tuesday...that acted like a Monday. With sordid vengeance.
I agreed to help moms at school with hallway decoration so I jumped in my car to head up to school. Car didn't start.
Popped hood. Had no idea what I was looking for. Acted like I did when neighbor guy walked up and offered help. He messed with battery cables. Car started. Once again I was off.
While helping at school, I got two emails for potential jobs I had applied for. Make that past-potential jobs. Both emails told me they had already hired someone. Bummed, but I kept going
All the moms made an impromptu plan to take the kids to lunch as a "thank you" for being so good while we worked. Knowing I have no extra, fluff money in my budget, my sweet daughter tried desperately to take herself out of the equation by doing something else. Still she was invited to go and told me all she wanted anyway was a sweet tea. Humiliation sets in.
On the way home, I got another email. This time regarding my unemployment and how the 'paperwork' (though it was done via internet) was messed up and they are working on getting me a payment. Just don't know when it will be.
I stopped by apartment office to tell them I got laid-off two weeks ago (call me optimistic, but I was actually hoping to have a job and therefore, an income by now so I hadn't discussed anything with them). I told them I know September rent isn't due for a couple weeks, but in anticipation of not having a paycheck by then, was there anyway a good tenant of almost two-years, who has never even been late with a rent check could possibly pay 1/2 on the 1st and 1/2 on the 15th? Answer is a smile and a "No". In fact, she informed me they would be sending me an eviction notice by the 5th if the rent isn't received in full by the 3rd. Long-shot, but didn't hurt to ask. Surprised by how quickly they evict, though. Sorry...just never been a subject that I ever thought would be in my life so I guess I was under the impression it would take more than being a couple days late to kick you and your kids out when they've never been a 'problem' in the past. Silly me.
Head still spinning, I went home and make myself and Ben lunch since Belle went to a friend's house. Pulled up emails on my laptop and started prepping for a phone interview I had in an hour and a half. When I walked back to kitchen and saw there was an envelope in the door. Inside was a letter from the apartment complex letting me know my lease expires at the end of October and if I do wish to renew it, my monthly rent will go up by $100 a month.
I called them explaining this is quite exorbitant and reminded them of not only my being a good tenant, on time with rent, never cause issues and rarely call maintenance, but also that the front/main security gate (as well as all the side gates) have been broken 90% of the time I've lived here (almost two years!) and that's an amenity/feature we pay for. I reminded them I've been patient about that, as have all the tenants. We haven't demanded money off our rent and they should consider customer loyalty in this circumstance.
"I'll make sure and pass your message on to corporate...". Gee thanks. This isn't over.
Shelby came home and headed to her room to change. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeck!" Came out, arms flapping screaming there's a mouse in her room.
You have GOT to be kidding me.
Maintenance called. Mouse trap set. Little girl sad upon finding out it will kill said mouse. I explained how they carry disease, bacteria, etc... . "Oooooh. Gross." All is fine again.
Phone rang. It was someone I really didn't want to talk to and whenever this person calls, it's always drama/problems/stress. No. It was no one who reads this.
Now...I'm in bed. I'm worn out. As I look back on the day, half-way chuckling at it all...It's easy to admit I'm tired of being embarrassed about my life. I'm tired of somehow, and very unintentionally, being pathetic in the eyes of my friends. I know, I know, I know, I know the stuff I have going on is beyond old for them. I KNOW THIS. They would probably search the skies for pigs if I didn't have some kind of something going wrong. IT'S HUMILIATING. I do not enjoy it. I do not want hand-outs. I knew this was going to be tough. I just didn't know HOW tough. I'm a household of one income. When something happens to that income, no matter how much I plan for success, all hell breaks loose. At some point, I'm sure my friends think (and even the ones closest to me)..."Good grief! What are you doing that is causing all this?"
I know I'm making good choices. The best ones I have available to me. God knows I am, too. That's all that matters, right?
So don't worry friends...I won't be contacting you to air any of my 'issues'. When you text me tomorrow and ask how things are, ask if I have any job leads, etc...I'll say, "All is fine! It's a new day!"
Because it will be.
As KO sweetly said today, "You are a strong, faithful woman and friend who has been caught up in a series of bad events. I'm proud to call you my friend and you are anything but 'pathetic." I'm going to choose to believe that.
Once again (for the umpteenth time), I eternally grateful for the friends who have been so sweet. So patient. So supportive. Never ignoring my same song, twenty-fourth verse stuff. Always there for me. I hope and pray I always treat my friends with that type of unconditional love. I'll always make time for you.
Even when I'm a big-whig in the job I'm surely about to get offered. :) Wherever that may be!
Always remember and never forget: It doesn't matter how often you get knocked down. It only matters how often you get back up.
I agreed to help moms at school with hallway decoration so I jumped in my car to head up to school. Car didn't start.
Popped hood. Had no idea what I was looking for. Acted like I did when neighbor guy walked up and offered help. He messed with battery cables. Car started. Once again I was off.
While helping at school, I got two emails for potential jobs I had applied for. Make that past-potential jobs. Both emails told me they had already hired someone. Bummed, but I kept going
All the moms made an impromptu plan to take the kids to lunch as a "thank you" for being so good while we worked. Knowing I have no extra, fluff money in my budget, my sweet daughter tried desperately to take herself out of the equation by doing something else. Still she was invited to go and told me all she wanted anyway was a sweet tea. Humiliation sets in.
On the way home, I got another email. This time regarding my unemployment and how the 'paperwork' (though it was done via internet) was messed up and they are working on getting me a payment. Just don't know when it will be.
I stopped by apartment office to tell them I got laid-off two weeks ago (call me optimistic, but I was actually hoping to have a job and therefore, an income by now so I hadn't discussed anything with them). I told them I know September rent isn't due for a couple weeks, but in anticipation of not having a paycheck by then, was there anyway a good tenant of almost two-years, who has never even been late with a rent check could possibly pay 1/2 on the 1st and 1/2 on the 15th? Answer is a smile and a "No". In fact, she informed me they would be sending me an eviction notice by the 5th if the rent isn't received in full by the 3rd. Long-shot, but didn't hurt to ask. Surprised by how quickly they evict, though. Sorry...just never been a subject that I ever thought would be in my life so I guess I was under the impression it would take more than being a couple days late to kick you and your kids out when they've never been a 'problem' in the past. Silly me.
Head still spinning, I went home and make myself and Ben lunch since Belle went to a friend's house. Pulled up emails on my laptop and started prepping for a phone interview I had in an hour and a half. When I walked back to kitchen and saw there was an envelope in the door. Inside was a letter from the apartment complex letting me know my lease expires at the end of October and if I do wish to renew it, my monthly rent will go up by $100 a month.
I called them explaining this is quite exorbitant and reminded them of not only my being a good tenant, on time with rent, never cause issues and rarely call maintenance, but also that the front/main security gate (as well as all the side gates) have been broken 90% of the time I've lived here (almost two years!) and that's an amenity/feature we pay for. I reminded them I've been patient about that, as have all the tenants. We haven't demanded money off our rent and they should consider customer loyalty in this circumstance.
"I'll make sure and pass your message on to corporate...". Gee thanks. This isn't over.
Shelby came home and headed to her room to change. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeck!" Came out, arms flapping screaming there's a mouse in her room.
You have GOT to be kidding me.
Maintenance called. Mouse trap set. Little girl sad upon finding out it will kill said mouse. I explained how they carry disease, bacteria, etc... . "Oooooh. Gross." All is fine again.
Phone rang. It was someone I really didn't want to talk to and whenever this person calls, it's always drama/problems/stress. No. It was no one who reads this.
Now...I'm in bed. I'm worn out. As I look back on the day, half-way chuckling at it all...It's easy to admit I'm tired of being embarrassed about my life. I'm tired of somehow, and very unintentionally, being pathetic in the eyes of my friends. I know, I know, I know, I know the stuff I have going on is beyond old for them. I KNOW THIS. They would probably search the skies for pigs if I didn't have some kind of something going wrong. IT'S HUMILIATING. I do not enjoy it. I do not want hand-outs. I knew this was going to be tough. I just didn't know HOW tough. I'm a household of one income. When something happens to that income, no matter how much I plan for success, all hell breaks loose. At some point, I'm sure my friends think (and even the ones closest to me)..."Good grief! What are you doing that is causing all this?"
I know I'm making good choices. The best ones I have available to me. God knows I am, too. That's all that matters, right?
So don't worry friends...I won't be contacting you to air any of my 'issues'. When you text me tomorrow and ask how things are, ask if I have any job leads, etc...I'll say, "All is fine! It's a new day!"
Because it will be.
As KO sweetly said today, "You are a strong, faithful woman and friend who has been caught up in a series of bad events. I'm proud to call you my friend and you are anything but 'pathetic." I'm going to choose to believe that.
Once again (for the umpteenth time), I eternally grateful for the friends who have been so sweet. So patient. So supportive. Never ignoring my same song, twenty-fourth verse stuff. Always there for me. I hope and pray I always treat my friends with that type of unconditional love. I'll always make time for you.
Even when I'm a big-whig in the job I'm surely about to get offered. :) Wherever that may be!
Always remember and never forget: It doesn't matter how often you get knocked down. It only matters how often you get back up.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
KEEP WAITING
Amazement Awaits
By Maya Angelou
Sheer amazement awaits
Amazement luxuriant in promise
Abundant in wonder
Our beautiful children arrive at this Universal stadium
They have bathed in the waters of the world
And carry the soft silt of the Amazon, the Nile,
The Danube, the Rhine, the Yangtze and the Mississippi
In the palms of their right hands.
A wild tiger nestles in each armpit
And a meadowlark perches on each shoulder.
We, the world audience, stand, arms akimbo,
Longing for the passion of the animal
And the melody of the lark
The tigers passion attend the opening bells,
The birds sing of the amazement which awaits.
The miracle of joy that comes out of the gathering of our best, bringing their best,
Displaying the splendor of their bodies and the radiance of their agile minds to the cosmos.
Encouragement to those other youth caught in the maws of poverty,
Crippled by the terror of ignorance.
They say Brothers and Sisters, Yes, try. Then try harder.
Lunge forward, press eagerly for release.
The amazement which awaits is for you.
We are here at the portal of the world we had wished for
At the lintel of the world we most need.
We are here roaring and singing.
We prove that we can not only make peace, we can bring it with us.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can compete passionately without hatred.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can take pride in the achievement of strangers.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can share openly in the success of friends.
Here then is the Amazement
Against the odds of impending war
In the mouth of bloody greed
Human grace and human spirit can still conquer.
Ah … We discover, we ourselves
Are the Amazement which awaits
We are ourselves Amazement.
She wrote this for the 2008 Olympians and released it again today for the 2012 Olympians.
But read it. It applies to us all. You. Me. Friends. People we don't know and will never know.
Against all odds. Amazement Awaits.
By Maya Angelou
Sheer amazement awaits
Amazement luxuriant in promise
Abundant in wonder
Our beautiful children arrive at this Universal stadium
They have bathed in the waters of the world
And carry the soft silt of the Amazon, the Nile,
The Danube, the Rhine, the Yangtze and the Mississippi
In the palms of their right hands.
A wild tiger nestles in each armpit
And a meadowlark perches on each shoulder.
We, the world audience, stand, arms akimbo,
Longing for the passion of the animal
And the melody of the lark
The tigers passion attend the opening bells,
The birds sing of the amazement which awaits.
The miracle of joy that comes out of the gathering of our best, bringing their best,
Displaying the splendor of their bodies and the radiance of their agile minds to the cosmos.
Encouragement to those other youth caught in the maws of poverty,
Crippled by the terror of ignorance.
They say Brothers and Sisters, Yes, try. Then try harder.
Lunge forward, press eagerly for release.
The amazement which awaits is for you.
We are here at the portal of the world we had wished for
At the lintel of the world we most need.
We are here roaring and singing.
We prove that we can not only make peace, we can bring it with us.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can compete passionately without hatred.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can take pride in the achievement of strangers.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can share openly in the success of friends.
Here then is the Amazement
Against the odds of impending war
In the mouth of bloody greed
Human grace and human spirit can still conquer.
Ah … We discover, we ourselves
Are the Amazement which awaits
We are ourselves Amazement.
She wrote this for the 2008 Olympians and released it again today for the 2012 Olympians.
But read it. It applies to us all. You. Me. Friends. People we don't know and will never know.
Against all odds. Amazement Awaits.
Monday, August 13, 2012
ME LIKEY THIS ONE
Attention Texas Workforce Commission...I've MORE than done my required five job inquiries per week.
I've read 1,304 job description, but NONE have fit me more than the one I applied for today.
Basically, it's the creative manager for a very popular restaurant chain's print production. That's right menus, POPs (that's Point of Purchase displays for all you non-creative job types)...basically anything the public sees.
Ummmmmmm...YES PLEASE!
I've had many people ask me how the job search is going. I actually get asked many times a day. It's very thoughtful of them to ask and a constant reminder they are thinking of me. It's also a reminder I've literally had ZERO good leads. And having to say, "Nothing new" is depressing.
I was very excited about this particular position and applied immediately (along with hundreds, if not thousands of others I'm sure). However, **I** am beyond qualified for this position. **I** would love doing this job. **I** would complete the tasks of this job with gusto!
So while I don't want to expose the name of the company just yet. I will tell you there's a specific day of the week we all love the most. :::hint hint:::
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