Start living your life
On the double ... leave your troubles behind.
You and me, we're gonna be alright.
Starting over can be one of the most confusing, stressful, lonely and if you really try...productive times of your life. Like it or not, you now have the 'opportunity' to set a new path. Blaze a new trail. Do whatever it is that is calling
you. But it takes effort. A crazy, insane amount of effort.
In my case, it doesn't just affect me, it affects two wonderful kids. So, the opportunities are scaled back somewhat (in other words, I'm not quitting my job and moving to the beach to tend bar or wax surfboards).
But options are out there, nonetheless.
I have received a lot of questions over the past two years concerning my 'upbeat' attitude regarding my new start. It wasn't what I wanted, but it happened. I suppose the realist in me saw two choices: sink or swim. Don't confuse my attitude on the outside with the reality of my circumstances.
It's not because life is easy. Or because I have a new sense of freedom. Or because I get to load the dishwasher the exact way I want and use whatever fabric softener fits my aromatherapy fix that week.
I'm who I am because I
choose to be. It's a daily effort. Sometimes even hourly. I consciously surround myself with people who set the bar high as far as expectations, morals and the way they treat people. My 'what-is-that-supposed-to-mean' wall has come down somewhat, though I don't know if it will ever be completely gone. Of course it will never be completely gone. But I've had patient people in my life help me slowly chip away at it.
I choose to be with people who put
others first, not things. I'm interested in the way someone treats me, not what they can do for me or if they can take care of me. I've learned to take care of myself. I've learned to take care of two kids as a single mom. I'm stronger than I thought I was, even though I always thought I was fairly strong. I still haven't mastered how to decompress, but I'm working on it. That one usually involves help from a certain someone saying, "You need to quit trying to do everything," and I'm starting to listen. Kind of.
I'm not perfect. Far from it.
This past weekend I got a reminder of what's important. Family...including those we choose to be our family.
Saturday was spent at Ben's first flag football game. CPJ and his two kids even came to watch. They have to be two of the most gracious people I've ever met. Patient, kind, well-mannered and hilarious to be around. That night we all went to eat and afterward, back to CPJs house to watch some home movies he recently found of his kids when they were little. His ex-wife, the kiddos mom, was diligent about recording their days. Not just their birthdays and holidays, but playing in the backyard, eating in the high chair and throwing the frisbee.
We laughed for hours until it was finally time to go. And I found myself setting a mental reminder that I need to record my kids more and not just take pictures. Hearing their sweet voices when they are young will be a treasure later on.
Sunday evening was spent with my
chosen sister, Angela, and a group of her friends. Most of whom I've never met. There was an instant comfort with all of them. They were sweet. Prayed before dinner. Funny and I can honestly say about every one of them...beautiful souls.
Angela has been there for me to hold my head as I cried during my very lowest moments in life and has been there to laugh with me until we almost wet our pants. She knows me better than most. She's fiercely protective over me, as I am her. I'm fairly certain she prays for me more than I do for myself. She wants me to be happy, as I want the same for her. All this and I rarely even get to see her. But she's there and I'm here.
I bounced texts back-and-forth with Kim. We encourage each other, as we are in very similar boats. We've agreed we need to purchase lottery tickets each week and will split the proceeds when we win. I don't think either of us has found time to actually purchase said tickets, by the way. She plots revenge on people who cross me and I do the same for her. We remind the other one that they're awesome, beautiful, strong and smart. Because we often get beat down stressing about our outstanding commitments to the point we forget. We help each other with business and support each other with the conundrum details that make up our personal lives.
If you cross me, you will have these two women to deal with. They are both my private investigators in this very small world we live in and the bouncers at the front door of my life. Likewise, I'll hunt you down for hurting them. Just sayin... .
So this weekend was a good weekend. I was surrounded by people who want nothing more from me than what I want from them. Unconditional love. Friendship. Loyalty. Honesty. Things that are so simple.
Things so many consider an option in life.
The stress that has come my way in the last couple years, mainly due to financial issues, may not go away any time soon. But I try to look ahead to the end of my life and know I won't be thinking about how much money I did or didn't have in my bank account. I'll remember the people who I loved and who showed me and my kids love.
And at that point, I know I'll be grateful for choosing to be with people because of what is in their hearts versus their bank accounts or words.
Always remember and never forget: How you live your life determines the kind of life you will live.
